Broken Hearts
by angiesvoice
Summary: Before shooting Paddy Doyle, Jane never imagined hitting rock bottom this hard. With no one to stop her from making the second worst decision of her life, what will happen to the once strong detective?
1. Chapter 1

She sat on the ledge, her long legs swinging above the city. The sun began its slow descent over the city of Boston. The mid-winter breeze kissed her bare arms. Her mind told her that it was cold and she should go inside to the safety of her apartment, but she couldn't bring herself to move. If she returned to her apartment, she would be returning to the memories and pain that plagued her now.

In her apartment lived the memories that tugged at the strings of her blackened heart. In the kitchen was the memory of sharing grilled cheese with _her_. That was the moment _she _told her that _she_ loved her. At the time, she was under the unfortunate impression that _she _spoke of a platonic love. Little did she know about the depth of the other woman's love for her.

In her bedroom was the nightmare of her one night stand with one Gabriel Dean. Rather than bathe her best friend in love and support, she fell into the arms of the available F.B.I Agent. Their night was everything but passionate. The man knew nothing about satisfying a woman. He cared only about getting himself off. She was merely a vessel for him. When the deed was done, he turned over without so much of a goodnight kiss. No one knew she was a cuddler. She liked to be held at night. She didn't give herself in such a personal way very often. When she did, it meant something. When she was sure he was in a deep sleep, she cried herself to sleep, the guild of overcoming her. And she did not know why.

She had no claim to the other woman's heart, not anymore. She shouldn't feel guilty for sleeping with Dean. They were not together. She deserved her release of Hemoglobin A. She was not cheating on _her_. So, why did she feel like a cheating spouse?

The answer to that question lied deep within a closet of her heart kept under lock and key. The only person who had the key was long gone. No one knew where _she'd_ disappeared to and if she'd ever come back. It was most likely that _she_ would never return and everyone, though hurt, understood why. The world knew her secret. The entire country knew that the Chief Medical Examiner was the daughter of decease crime boss Paddy Doyle.

The events of that night replayed in her thoughts every possible second. It was not the sound of the bullet escaping the chamber of her gun that kept her awake at night.

"Don't touch him! Don't you dare touch him."

The look of pure horror and hurt in _her_ eyes was burned under her eyelids. It was the only thing she saw when she closed her eyes, when she wasn't at the bottom of a bottle. And that was where she was these days most of the time.

She stood on her ledge. If she were to jump, it would be a 40 foot drop. Death would be instantaneous. She would never have to worry about _her_, her family, the city of Boston. She wouldn't have to face people calling her Boston's Hero.

She wasn't a hero. She was an idiot. She was a coward. She didn't deserve the praise the city was willing to shower her with. Yes, she killed Paddy Doyle. But the victory was not worth it. Not when she destroyed the most meaningful relationship she ever had. Sure, she had her family and the few friends she had, but that would never be enough. No could ever burrow deep enough into her heart. She wouldn't allow them to. It saved her from getting hurt and hurting others. Right now, her heart needed an extra large band-aid. Not just any band-aid. Only a quirky, honey-blonde band-aid would suffice and the drug store was fresh out.

She watched the yellow liquid swirl around in the green beer bottle. It was a beautiful night in Boston. The streets were unnaturally quiet. The world stood still while she was on her roof top. Tonight was the night.

She listened to the breeze. Every so often, _her _sweet voice would whisper her name in the wind. But she knew better, it was just a figment of her overworked soul.

Until it wasn't.


	2. Chapter 2

"Jane."

The rooftop door swung open with a loud bang! Jane, to scared to turn around, began to pace on the ledge. The rough surface scrapped across her bare feet.

"Jane!"

If she turned, one of two things could happen: she could turn and see _her _standing there or she could turn and realize it was stress and alcohol playing tricks on her shattered mind and soul. She was not prepared for either. The simple thought of seeing _her_ made her heart face in more ways than she was willing to admit.

"Jane, please come down from there."

The more _she _spoke, the more the possibility of it actually being her grew. Jane stopped and counted to 10. She slowly turned, her eyes closed until the last moment. She inhaled and slowly opened her eyes.

"Maura?"

It was Maura but different. Her hair, once long and honey color, was a brunette color and reached down her back. The jeans and t-shirt she wore hung from her body awkwardly, as if she'd lost weight in her absence. Her face was bare of makeup, her natural beauty prominent. She looked as beautiful as ever. Jane's body ached to take the small woman into her arms, but her rational brain restrained her from doing so.

"Yes, Jane, I'm here. Please come down from that ledge, it not safe."

"Why?"

"Why, what?"

"Why should I come down?"

"It's not safe."

"No shit, it's not safe up here. Why do you think I'm here?"

"Taking your life won't make things better for anyone."

Something in Jane snapped. All of the anger that was pushed onto the back burner by self hatred came boiling to the surface.

"How do you know? You know nothing about me, nothing."Jane began to pace again, her scarred hands beginning to ache.

"I know that I don't want you to get hurt." The older woman pleaded, tears welling in her eyes, her voice uneven with fresh emotion.

"That's bullshit. It wouldn't hurt to fall from this ledge and hit the concrete. The hurt that would cause would have no comparison to the hurt I've experienced since you left. Every day, I counted the minutes and seconds, praying that you'd come back alive and well or that I'd get a simple call or email. I waited for someone to knock at my door and tell me that you'd been killed by one of Doyle's enemies. I sat around for three fucking months, imagining all the horrible things that could happen to you. My heart crumpled each time I dreamt about your body beaten and mangled, far off with no one to find you. I want to make your suffering my own because I could never allow someone to cause such pain if I couldn't stop it. So, no, falling on the concrete wouldn't hurt me. You leaving did."

Once again, Jane stopped pacing when she received no verbal response. Red, hot tears streamed down Maura's face. It pained the tall woman to know her words were the cause of these tears. She wanted to make her pain go away but who would make her own pain go away.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered, wiping the tears from her face.

"Maura, sorry is not going to cut it. You chose a criminal over your family. Over me. I was supposed to be your best friend, damn it. I would die if it meant that you lived. I've given you my life and quite possibly my career."

"Jane-"

"Each time Paddy Doyle came into your life, you were put in danger. He kidnapped you. He held you and my brother at gun point for fuck's sake. And now this. He was dangerous. He's got a kill list longer than both my arms. I can't even begin to comprehend why you would even consider choosing him."

"He was my father and he knew who my biological mother was. I know you might not understand, but I needed to know who she was."

"He was a sperm donor. He abandoned you. For your own good or not, he did, and there is nothing that can ever change that. He didn't raise you. I understand that you wanted to know your biological mother. I'm a cop. I could have helped you."

"See, that's the problem. I didn't need Detective Rizzoli. I need my friend Jane."

"I would have been there if you'd asked."

"Jane, I shouldn't have to ask. My mother was fighting for her life in the hospital and you were in the arms of a slimy F.B.I. Agent."

This made Jane blanch. The guilt she felt about abandoning her friend during such a critical time tore at her conscience. The image of Maura broken and alone plagued her thoughts. The moment she woke up next to Dean, she regretted her decision to seek comfort in his presence. It was not until she replayed the events of the warehouse did she realize that he was using her the entire time to get to Doyle. She confronted him in the hospital and when he offered no good explanation for being at the warehouse, she gave him a piece of her mind and left with the promise of a bullet inscribed with his name if he ever showed his face again.

"I was wrong for going to Dean."

"Yes, you were. But none of this means I want you one the edge of this building. You don't deserve this."

"How do you know?"

"Jane Rizzoli, I know you better than you know yourself. I know that you would never hurt your mother and brothers so deeply by taking your own life. You wouldn't let all of the bastards like Hoyt succeed in seeing you dead. My hope is that you wouldn't leave me alone in a world that I fear and do not understand. I don't know what I would do in a world without you. It scares me more than anything to imagine a world without your smile that lights up a room and hearing your laugh each time I bumble a colloquial phrase. My heart aches at the thought of never seeing how beautiful and peaceful you look when you sleep."

"You've watched me sleep?"

"I've always watched you, Jane. How could I not? You're the most beautiful person I've never met."

Jane looked away, her cheeks red with embarrassment. Sure, they had a history of lingering glances and longer than necessary touching, but never imagined that Maura cared for her so deeply. She dreamed of the day she'd find the courage to tell the doctor how she felt. When she shot Doyle, she realized she'd thrown all possibility of those feelings being returned out the window. She never expected Maura to forgive her and she'd accepted this.

If she tried, she would never be able to pinpoint the exact moment she fell in love with the good doctor. After meeting the women, her thoughts quickly became consumed with wanting to know more about this seemingly mysterious woman. She never imagined that she could be the most compassionate and intelligent, albeit quirky and eccentric, person she'd ever met. Jane's mind was blown each time she listened to the meaningless facts that poured from Maura's mouth during their first lunch outing. It was then that she vowed to defend her from the racy and offensive comments of her fellow officers. She refused to allow someone to hurt this fragile and gentle woman.

_ They were at a crime scene, three works after Maura's arrival to the Medical Examiner's Office and the BPD. A young man, early 20s, had been killed in an alley near a popular club in the south end of Boston. The air smelt of a coming rain. Everyone was unamused by the early hour and the new M.E. Officers grumbled and grouched about the intricate examination Doctor Isles insisted on doing._

_ Jane stepped onto the crime scene and most of the bitching stopped. Unfortunately, there was one smartass officer who dared to test the only female detective in Homicide. Everyone knew that she'd grown a soft spot for the blonde woman and shut their traps whenever Rizzoli came around._

_ "Maybe Rizzoli can give the Queen of the Dead a Midol so we can get on with our day." The officers around him took a step back when they saw Jane approach from behind. The lone officer's body tensed and the hairs on the back of his neck rose to attention. He felt her lanky frame press into his back, invading his personal space. He regretted his decision almost immediately. _

_ "What did you just say, Officer Reynolds?" She asked slowly, her voice low and menacing._

_ "Nothing, ma'am."_

_ "What did you say? If you can see it in front of your buddies, I'd like to hear it. Don't make me forced it out of you."_

_ "I suggested that you give Doctor Isles a Midol."_

_ "I don't recall you calling her Doctor Isles. What did you call her?" He paused. "Say it!"_

_ "I called her Queen of the Dead."She shoved him to the line of officers who pushed him away like his body was covered in acid. He dropped into the ground in front of Jane and she planted her boot into his chest. _

_ "I ever hear you disrespected Doctor Isles again, I'll have your nuts nailed to a desk chair the rest of your life. Do I make myself clear?"? He nodded his head. She put more pressure on his chest. "I can't hear you."_

_ "Yes, ma'am."_

_ "Good, glad we could come to an agreement." She raised her foot and turned to walk away. She paused and quickly turned to the officer still on the ground. "And, it's Detective. Not ma'am."_

_ With that, she walked away. The clouds above them opened and rained poured on them. Jane opened the umbrella she carried and held it above the shell shocked doctor._

_ "Are you alright, Maura?"_

_ "No one's ever stood up for me like that."_

_ "Well, someone should."_

Lost in the past, Jane did not realize Maura standing before her. The woman's sudden presence scared her and made her body jump, causing her to slip over the edge of the building. She held onto the ledge for her life as Maura tried to pull her up.

"Jane, don't let go."

"Never."


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys. Here's the third chapter. This may or may not be the last chapter. Let me know if you want an official story to wrap this up. Happy reading.

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Maura's heart raced as she tried to muster every possible amount of strength to pull Jane up. The woman's body was not heavy, but they were fighting gravity and they were not in the position to win. She held Jane's wrist tight, determined to not let go.

"Damn it, Jane. You have to help me." She panted.

"Maura, I'm kind of hanging from the side of a building."

"This is not the time for sarcasm, Jane." The woman rolled her eyes and tried to climb up the side of the building. She managed to pull herself up enough that Maura was able to reach behind her and pull her all the way over by her belt loops. They fell back on the hard cement together, panting from the increased levels of adrenaline in their systems.

"If I ever see you on this rooftop again, I'll kill you myself, Jane Rizzoli." Maura told her after several moments of silence.

"I'm sorry for shooting your father." Jane said sheepishly as she looked at Maura out of the corner of her eye. The older woman stared up at the sky, a new stars shining through the immense light pollution. She thought back to the first time Maura took her to her cabin in Maine.

_"Jesus, is this cabin in the middle of nowhere?" Jane complained from the passenger seat. When she looked out the window, all she saw was grass and trees. The city girl in her screamed to turn around._

_ "It is somewhat off the beaten path but who I am to complain about the beautiful sights surrounding us." Maura told her tersely. She was growing tired of Jane's childish behavior. Her hands gripped the steering wheel tighter with each 'are we there yet' like question. She knew Jane could get on one's nerves when tired and hungry but even the patient doctor had her limits._

_ "Maura-"Jane began again._

_ "I swear, Jane, if I hear one more word out of your mouth, I will leave you on the side of the road." Maura told her hardly. She ignored the glare she received and continued to look at the road. Jane grunted and turned away from her. Maura rolled her eyes. "You're such a child."_

_ Having being given the silent treatment the remainder of the drive, Maura was left to her own thoughts, a dangerous thing in a great mind. She briefly turned to the pouting woman and her heart melted._

_ This trip would be good for Jane. The stress of the increased murders in Boston during this sweltering summer caused the detective to neglect her physical and mental health. For the last few weeks, Jane was short tempered and everyone near her felt like they were walking on egg shells. When Jane took a swing at a suspect after he called her a dyke, the Lieutenant had no choice but to suspend his best detective for six days. Jane huffed and puffed in her apartment until Maura showed up early one morning and told her to pack a bag. Her best friend had taken time off to plan a trip for them with the intention to allow the tense woman to release any pent up energy she was harboring. _

_ When Maura told Jane that they were staying in a cabin, Jane completely overestimated what Maura meant by a cabin. The doctor was known for living lavishly on her trust fund and there was no harm in that. Her earnings as a medical examiner went to charities all around the world. When they pulled outside of a modestly sized wooden cabin, Jane was dumbfounded._

_ "Wait, we're staying in an actual cabin?" Jane asked, shocked. _

_ "I told you that. What did you expect?" Maura told her, annoyed at her friend._

_ "I don't know. I expected it to be more grand and what not. It doesn't seem very you."_

_ "I'm sorry I have not met your expectation." She said curtly before exiting the car and grabbing her things from the back. Her went inside the cabin without looking back to see if Jane was following her._

_ "Aw, fuck." Jane moaned. "Stop being such an ass, Rizzoli." _

_Instead of following Maura inside, Jane chose to walk the property, allowing Maura the time needed to cool down. The grounds were glorious. Jane had never seen so much green in her life. The tall trees and fragrant flowers painted a spectacular picture. Everything was so natural. You'd never seen grass this green in Boston without the assistance of chemicals and pollutants. The air was crispy and fresh. The sun beat down on her tired body. Hypnotized by the magnificence, Jane took it upon herself to lie on the grass, directly in the sun. It was not until she felt the warmth of the sun leave did she realize that she'd fallen asleep. Maura stared down at her longingly, as if she were trying to memorize every crinkle and every line of a relaxed Jane Rizzoli's face._

"_You're an ass, Jane Rizzoli."_

"_I know. I'm sorry."_

"_Apology accepted."_

_That night, they went to bed together. The cabin only had one bed and they'd shared a bed enough times that there was no question this time. When the sun rose over the horizon, Maura pulled herself from the comfort of Jane's presence and went to make breakfast. After a meal, it was decided they would spend their time by the lake which was a short hike from the cabin. Upon arriving, Maura set up camp with a picnic lunch and a beach towel on the sandy shores. She lay on her back, soaking the possibly harmful UV Rays the high morning sun provided. After reapplying sun block to her pale skin, she laid her head down, preparing to take a nap. Suddenly, the sun was gone and cold water dripped on her body. She shot up and searched for the source of the disturbance. She found a wet Jane smiling down at her._

"_Are you gonna sit here all day?"_

"_That was my intention."_

"_I don't think I can allow that." Jane leaned down and wrapped her arms around Maura's body. She carried her like a fireman to the docks. Maura kicked and screamed the entire way._

"_Jane, put me down this instant!"_

"_You can swim, right?"_

"_Yes, Jane. I was best swimmer year 6t at my boarding school. But that does not give you permission to throw me in the lake."_

"_Would you be mad if I did?" Jane stopped at the edge and thought over her acts one last time._

"_Yes, I would."_

"_Forever."_

"_I could never be mad at you forever, Jane." She told her kidnapper honestly. They shared a comfortable cause while Jane thought. The tall woman hummed and shrugged her shoulders. Without another thought, she dropped the blonde in the water. After a few moments when Maura's head did not bubble to the surface of the murky lake, Jane grew worried. She got on her knees and looked over the edge._

"_Maura?"_

_Jane screamed as the blonde shot out of the water and grabbed her shoulder. Her lanky body went sailing back into the water. She held her breath as the liquid enveloped her body. After doing its job, gravity allowed her to float back to the surface. She wiped the water from her eyes and looked around for her friend. She saw nothing as she twirled in the water. She felt the water shift beneath her and two small hands wrap around her ankles and force her body into the air. Jane's arms flailed as she hit the water again. _

"_Maura!" _

"_Catch me if you can!" Yelled the angelic voice from across the water. Jane dove deep into the water, intent on giving Maura a piece of her mind._

_They played in the water together for hours. The two women had more fun than they had in a long time. The sun set over the trees as they lay together, side by side, on the blanket. The stars peeked their way through the infinite darkness._

"_Maura, do you think there's life beyond Earth?" Jane asked her genius companion._

"_There haven't been any plants or moons found yet that can sustain human life, but who knows? We've searched such a small area of the universe. Who knows what could be out there waiting to be discovered?"_

"_Do you ever imagine what it would be like to meet someone from a different planet? Imagine discovering a new world with all kinds of new life?"_

"_I am content in the world that I am in right now, as long as you're in it." Maura told her sentimentally. Jane looked over at her friend staring up at the stars._

"_I feel the same way. I don't want to imagine a world without you."_

"I missed you so much, Maura."

"I missed you too, Jane. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left. But I'm not like you. I need time to process things."

"I understand. I'm sorry I made you leave."

Maura laughed. "I guess we both played our parts in this mess."

"I guess we did." Jane rolled onto her side and rested her head in her hand. She looked down at the woman who meant everything to her and who she'd come so close to losing. If it was going to be anytime, why not now? "Maura, I love you."

"I love you too, Jane."

"No, I mean, I'm in love with you."

"I know, Jane." The blonde woman said, smiling and leaning into Jane's body. "I'm in love with you too." Jane let out a sigh of release.

"God, I was scared for a second."

"Don't be. I've you loved forever. And I will continue to do so."

"Good," Jane leaned down and claimed her mouth in a long awaited kiss. A bolt of hot electricity shot through their bodies. Their tongues danced a fresh, new tango. They smiled as they pulled apart when air because necessary. "I should have done that a long time ago."

"You're right. You should have." Maura said, pushing Jane on her back and claiming her once more.

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	4. Chapter 4

Hello, everyone!

I am sorry to say that this will be the end of Broken Hearts. Thank you for your reviews and support. I am in awe at how amazing my readers are. If you would like a continuation of this story, let me know. You can also check out Biting and Barking which is Rizzles with a supernatural twist. You all are the best. Follow me on tumblr: serendipitous-occurrences(dot)tumblr(dot)com

With love,


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